Purchase this image at http://www.stocksy.com/123305 “Are you there?”..I ask rather impatiently, and with terror.

I had already caller her 23 times, she didn’t pick. I was aware that something’s wrong, but chose to move my mind away from what was my mind thinking… as I repeatedly ask and leave messages asking “Are you there?”
It was now when my patience and optimism were at their brim, for they could not deal with anymore calm. I hesitantly think what can be wrong.
With nine months of togetherness, we have spent 42 nights crying, I have counted. For maybe, it was not meant to be. For maybe, we forced it on ourselves thinking this was perfect for us, but maybe we were wrong.
The previous night, too, we landed up in a quarrel, and ended up with my one more sleepless night, and I know the same was on the other side. I just wished, her paranoia stayed only till dried tears, and not dried body. Oh god, what was I thinking. She might be asleep. It’s 4:40 p.m. and she has ever been this morning bird, I doubted this perception. And as shivers and sweat ran through my entire body, I ran for my love. I ran, as this was my last run. I ran, as I knew, if there is any incident, I would be the one in catastrophe, I might never want to live again, if she’s not beside. I know there have been our blue days, but what about when I saw her for the first time, and she casted my redemption. What about the time, when I first made her laugh, I know that was a fake smile, on my pathetic joke, but she laughed to make me feel relieved that I pulled out my rehearsed lines well..and what about the one time, when I proposed, and what about the time, when she said yes. What about our nights spent under stars, or the mornings we bicycled toward countryside. What about when we kissed, or when her dimple, requited my blush. I know I have never been the greatest man, but maybe, I am so, because she’s there for me. For obvious reasons, I know she’ll handle, just that I worry that she couldn’t handle it today. I struggled to get a taxi, and finally got into one. “Three blocks down, quick.”..till now my voice perfectly echoed the tremors I was having within me. We reached as he rashed his car through the roads seeing my temper, and uneasiness. I chipped him a note, and tell him to keep it. I ran, towards her apartment on the seventh floor, and in those moments I could feel her slipping away from my hands, from my life, from my fate, and towards peace, where I wouldn’t be there to bother her. Where she wouldn’t have, everyday’s frustrations, and wet pillows. Where she wouldn’t worry about me getting close to another girl, where she would be loved like she deserves. And where she will be she, the greatest, the epitome, the perfection, whatever she is.
And I, messy, drunkard, commitment-phobic, failure at expressing his love, won’t be there.
I rang the bell, once, twice, a million times, and no one answered, I ask her neighbours, and they tell me, that she hasn’t came out from her house today. I ram the door, and make way to get in. The walls, were as I left yesterday, the smell of her perfume was still there, but maybe, an odd smell too accompanied.
And as I thought, she was there, lying on the floor, with a knife in one hand, and a peeled wrist in another. I, sat next to her, crying like a psycho. In fifteen seconds, I gathered my consciousness and moved the body, I cried out loud, still asking if she’s there, I rush to the nearest hospital. Thank god, the emergency ward was available. With urgency, I dragged the stretcher into the room, they tell me to wait outside.
I sat on the next chair, alongside an old man. Maybe, he was there for a regular checkup, I don’t know, I don’t wish to know. I only want to know that she’s fine. She’s fine and she’s healthy. Her wrist would get back to how I left it, beautiful and thin. And I wish to hold that hand, forever. If only, she waits. If only, she doesn’t lose herself to our relationship’s misery. If only, she could cry for another night, without taking this huge step. If only, she lives. If only, she stays. If only, if only.
The fan moved, and it with ease, symbolised the wait, its slow, and horrifying. It’s unwanted, but its vital..
I sipped my coffee, and hoped that she stays. That a time will come, when she leaves, but not now. A time will come, when she meets her angelic sisters, but not now. Today, I wanted to be her heaven, I wanted to tell her How much I loved her. I wanted to tell her, that it’s only her, I wish for, and it’s only her, I would ever be willing to die and live for. I want to kiss her till eternity, and tell her, she was right when she said, “yes”.
But here, I am, guilty, and remorseful. I pushed her near death. I pushed her. I devastated my life. And all that is left now, with me, sipping this coffee waiting for my loved one, to be again the way she was, is despair and hollowness, without her,
as today too I sip my coffee, wiping my tears off, packing the typewriter.
I realized that it has been a great story, and wow, I could exactly feel it.
Maybe, I’ll love my next girlfriend this much. I hope it gets published. And, I hope, she doesn’t die…. as I have not finished yet, not NOW!

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